In the kitchen, we’re eating the left-over pumpkin food my mommy made last night. I hate it. But she won’t make new food if there’s leftovers so Diela and I are finishing it today so we can have something new for supper tomorrow. I guess this is just what happens when your mother has to make every penny count.
“What time is your mommy picking you up?”
Diela swallows ma swaar. “It’s night shift this week so I’m sleeping here”
We high five and keep eating quietly.
Our mommies are both nurses and single parents. Deila’s daddy died after falling from a roof he was repairing and I my daddy decided he didn’t want a family anymore and left six years ago. Haven’t seen him since.
I’m lying. I don’t know why he left, I just woke up one morning went to school like normal and he didn’t come home that night. Or the next. Or the next. My mommy called his friends and his brother but they didn’t know where he went either.
Two weeks after he disappeared uncle Maanie came to talk to my mommy and since then, she’s had to take more shifts and all she said was that daddy wasn’t coming back, we’re on our own now. I don’t ask any questions because I don’t think she has any answers. It doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. Think about why he didn’t want me anymore.
The chair makes a scarping noise on the linoleum as I get up to wash my plate. Our council house is small and full. There’s hardly enough place in here for all the things we own, but its where I’ve lived my whole life.
Diela comes to stand next to me and washes her plate. I lean back against the cupboard.
“So what did he give you this time?”
She grins. “A R50.”
My eyes widen in surprise.
“I know.” She squeals as she takes my arm and leads me to my room where we sit facing each other on the bed.
“And where was this now?”
“You know by the tennis courts, no one goes there anymore. We walked there like we had school business. No one will mos think we know each other like that.”
I sit entranced as she talks. Diela seems to know the world in ways I do not.
“When we got to the wall and he made sure no one could see us from the parking lot, he asked me how much I want.”
“Oh, he asked?”
“Ja, it was quite gentlemanly of him.”
I raise my eyebrow at her.
She hits my arm. “You know what I mean.”
I grunt my response because how is this bra being a gentleman?
“And then he gave me the money and I set my timer and he did it.”
I blink at her a few times. She sits casually, watching me. Waiting for my response I guess.
“So it’s that simple?’
She nods, smiling the whole time.
“I don’t think I could do it Diela.”
She shifts closer to me. Her almond eyes imploring.
“It’s not so bad Maya. And it feels kinda leka.”
I cross my arms over my breasts. “I don’t remember it feeling leka when he did it.” I emphasise he a bit too much and regret it saying it immediately.
Diela puts her comforting hands on my forearms, looking at me with concern.
“He didn’t ask first did he?”
I shake my head.
“That’s what makes this different Maya. They’re asking me for permission. I mean, I’m also getting money out of it, but I figure if I have to put up with their roaming voorbarage hands anyway, then I’m gonna get something out of it.”
I slump into myself and sigh heavily. “I just don’t see why we have to be in this situation in the first place.”
She sits back and pulls my hands off my body, linking our fingertips.
“Boys like boobs. They’re going to find ways to touch it no matter what. Like Toyer did to you.”
Her hands tighten on me as I cringe hearing his name.
“Now imagine that you are in control of how they touch your boobs. You decide the place. You decide how and when and how long. Then they can’t make it feel like Toyer did. He just took it. Now you can decide who gets to. And you’ll get some leka cash out of it.”
“And it felt nice?’
She nods enthusiastically. “Ja, like when I first got boobs and that neighbour touched them, he was rough and he smelled. And then the doctor that told me to take my shirt off to listen to my heart with a stethoscope was just awkward cause he was trying to not make it obvious that he was looking at my boobs and touching them onnoorag.” She runs out of air and takes a breath. “But Adil was nice. He didn’t knead me like I was dough. He was gentle. He just held them in both hands, like he was trying to see what they weigh. He squeezed them a few times and just moved his hands like he was working out how they work. I almost said, they’re just boobs my guy, they don’t really do anything. But I didn’t cause it was also like he couldn’t believe he was actually holding boobs. And he was too shy to look me in the eye after.”
“Really? He wasn’t a dick after?”
She shakes her head. “He was actually really sweet.”
She stands up suddenly and walks to her bag, reaching inside and bringing her wallet back to the bed.
She takes all the notes out of her purse and puts them on the bed.
“Jor Diela, there’s almost R800 here.” I can’t hide the awe out of my voice.
Her eyes glint with triumph. “Remember that red Converse I saw at Street Fever?”
I’m listening, but too distracted by all the money on the bed. How many times has she done this?
“I’m going to be able to buy it this weekend.”
I lift worried eyes to her. “What are you gonna tell your mommy?”
She shrugs and her laugh sounds forced. “What do you mean? She won’t even notice.”
I want to say it’s not true, but we both know it’s a lie. I reach over and pull her close for a hug, suddenly feeling dread in the pit of my stomach.
“And now?” She’s hugging me back, not pulling away.
“I dunno. I’m just worried about you.”
She kisses the side of my head and rests her chin on my shoulder. “Why you worried, this weekend I’m gonna be lamming in my new Converse. How kwaai am I gonna look.”
Red really is her colour. Who knows, maybe now that she has enough to buy the red shoes, she’ll stop with the boob business.
She pulls out of my arms and starts putting her money away while walking back to her bag. She looks over her shoulder and smirks. “Maybe I’ll be able to buy me a phone soon. One of the guys said he’ll give me R500 if I hold his thing for two minutes. Imagine how rich I’ll be in a few weeks.”